Pooh's Corner Gazette |
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RANSOM COMMISSION EMPANELED |
The News in Brief |
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POOH'S CORNER, Wednesday (Gazette) -- Governmental hearings began today as the so-called "Ransom Commission" began hearing testimony from individuals implicated in the recent return of the kidnapped Piglet.
Piglet had been taken from his home by the S.A.R.F.P., a radical splinter group believed to be headquartered in the jungle of Astoria. He was returned unharmed on Sunday.
First on the list of government witnesses was the Grade A Prime Minister himself. Mr. Pig gave testimony that he had been approached by the family of the missing oinker and asked by them to intervene. He stated that he had "taken a firm line" with the radical group, and that the "Government of Pooh's Corner does not negotiate." He further testified that any actions taken by Trixie, Piglet's baby companion, were undertaken without official government sanction.
Drooling on the quilt, the baby declared that her actions were taken without notifying the Government and thus she was totally ignorant of other efforts on the porker's behalf. She added that, though she had perhaps acted impulsively to free Piglet, it was all right now, since he was back home. In conclusion, she burped quietly and spit up. The Ransom Commission meets again tomorrow to announce its findings. |
Babo and Fluffy Dog make scene The two clandestine canoodlers went public with their relationship, arriving together at the premiere of Bathtub Productions' new movie, Drain Killers and posing for paparazzi.
Canines' suit thrown out Both the original and counter-suits brought by the Stuffed Canines Union and the Benji distributors against each other were thrown out of court today on grounds of "total silliness."
Advances in cloning technique New research indicates that the plan of Rattle Duckie and Fierce Rabbit to conceive offspring of some kind might not be so far-fetched.
Lambikins to challenge Ladybug for seat Lambikins announced his intention to challenge Mme. Ladybug (D-NY) for her seat in the government in the upcoming elections.
Spring a great time for travel Stroller Tours announces a new all-Garden touring package. Should you bite? Our Travel Editor gives it a whirl.
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